A Difficulty with Dwarves by Craig Shaw Gardner

By Craig Shaw Gardner

Whilst a wizard is not able to remedy his illness of magicks, he sends his apprentice Wuntnor to hunt reduction within the far-off land of the jap Kingdoms that are ripe with fiendish peril.

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We wouldn’t think of causing you any harm. In fact, Vermin here is very good at improving the appearance of people he works on. He specializes in those little cosmetic extras, like cutting your ears back a trifle, or giving you an extra nose. ’ He winked at Vermin. ’ Slag chortled. ’ Vermin moved the knife point back a fraction of an inch, so that it but rested lightly against my throat. ’ Grott prompted. ’ I asked. My hand still gripped my stout oak staff. I wondered how many of them I might be able to disable before they overwhelmed me.

Shoes are no exception, and proper raw materials are essential. . ’ Snarks rose unsteadily and staggered from the room. Tap paused at last and looked around, realizing that his audience had fled. ’ he cried. ‘How much better to conduct our lessons outside, in the warm summer air! ’ Tap romped merrily from the room. I stopped before a sneezing mass covered in royal blue. ’ Ebenezum looked up and nodded. ‘Too much,’ he managed. ‘Outside -‘ I helped the mighty wizard out onto the lawn that fronted the building.

He reached forward to gently stroke the knife blade at my throat. ’ Slag towered over me. ’ I couldn’t believe this. Fellow apprentices, resorting to violence! Is this what life in Vushta made of you? Perhaps I was happy I hadn’t sampled any of the forbidden delights after all! ’ Grott pulled his hand away. His smile once again dominated his face. ‘We wouldn’t think of causing you any harm. In fact, Vermin here is very good at improving the appearance of people he works on. He specializes in those little cosmetic extras, like cutting your ears back a trifle, or giving you an extra nose.

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